Africa!!!

My whole life I've wanted to go to Africa and two days ago we booked tickets to go to Kenya for a week long safari!! I am beyond excited!! Originally we were going to use our January vacation to go Vietnam/Cambodia which would be cheaper and very nice but then we started thinking about where we really, really want to go..and a safari was at the top of the list. We're flying to Nairobi on January 3rd at 7:15pm and starting our safari to the Masai Mara, Lake Nahkuru, and Amboseli the next day. As of right now we haven't chosen a safari company, we're still shopping around, but we have some great options! Exciting too is that friends of ours who are from South Africa and leaving EV for home next week may join us. Either way, I'm so excited I can hardly sit down long enough to get the 20 vaccinations needed to go...ok I'm exaggerating just a bit :-).

Planning this trip has really reminded me to be thankful for where I'm at. With the US economy being what it is and so many people out of work I'm living in a place with a steady paycheck where all my bills total less than $150.00 each month. Like I wrote last week Anand and I are still going back and forth on when to leave Korea for the US but with this trip planned we may end up staying through mid June and heading back in time for a wedding of one of Anand's best friends. We'll see.

In other news...I did a show this week for 4 people..in a 600 seat theatre. What made it even better was that half way through the mom left taking her young son with her and the dad fell asleep...so we put on a show for the little girl who was still awake sitting on her dad's lap. Talk about personal service. Talk about a depressing performance.

Well, I guess that's about all I have to report. Headed into Ilsan later to get my hair cut and go out to dinner. :-)

When did it become fall?

If time flies when you're having fun then time sprints Marion Jones style when you have a job contract that ends in less than 4 months and you have to decide what to do with your life. In July when I started my second contract at EV January seemed ages away. I still had to get through 2 months of unbearable heat and humidity..auditions for the fall season..rehearsals for the fall season..and plenty of shows before even thinking about turning on the heater and breaking the scarves and mittens back out let alone thinking about what comes after January. Two days ago I wore socks to bed..and last night I turned on the heater. Shit.

Luckily I'm not in this alone, a fact that I am so grateful for. My boyfriend and our cat are also factored into the decision and whether I decide to stay or go it's really nice to know that I won't have to do either alone. So, while we figure this all out, I'll just keep you up to date on what's been happening in my life, still here at EV.

Today I castrated my cat. I know, it sounds horrible. I much prefer the word, "neuter" to "castrate" however when we went to make the appointment for Billie Jean two weeks ago the vet didn't understand what "neuter" meant...so "castrate" it became. I am pleased to say he is alive and well...when I picked him up he was eager to get into the backpack we use as our "cat bjorn" though less than thrilled to leave his balls behind. Anand wasn't pro castration but it needed to be done. He is getting to the age where he would start peeing on things, plus he can get really aggressive, plus his balls were getting bigger and hairier by the day and I just can't handle that. Anyway, the deed has been done. Sorry about that BJ.

While I was waiting for Billie Jean to have his...procedure..I went to the eye doctor for my final post-op Lasik exam. For those of you who don't know I had Lasik done about 6 weeks ago. It is amazing and totally worth the 15 minutes of terror it took to get through the operation. I haven't been able to see without glasses since I was in 3rd grade. It still catches me by surprise. I am also still surprised by the service of the health care industry here. I didn't have an appointment but got right in (I mean I know I'm a big deal but I've been assured that even less famous..normal..people get in quickly too). It was included in the price of the surgery...$700.00..and I was out and on my way in about 15 min...on my way to the dentist where I also got right in no appointment necessary. I mean come on.

Work wise the park is finally starting to pick back up. The group of moms and their kids who come to our shows every single day and who we lovingly have labeled, "the stalkers"..have returned in full force. My friend Evan was at EV Mart the other day when a stalker mom we hadn't seen in awhile approached him. She told him that they hadn't been to the park in 2 months because of "H1N1" and apologized that she had only seen last season's shows, "5 times." Our current show is called, "The Firebird," in which I play The Firebird..complete with a 5lb tail covered in feathers. I shed constantly and the stalker kids have started rushing the stage during our curtain call to collect the feathers that might drop to the floor during our bows.

I need to interject now to say I had to put the plastic collar the vet gave me on Billie Jean because he started licking his stitches. He is now running around the kitchen beating his head into the walls in an attempt to get it off.


In other news...we started an Outreach Program within our department. I designed and built a puppet show of, "Where the Wild Things Are" and there are other songs, dances, and even a craft or two. We had the official outreach 'pilot' last week at a kindergarten in Geumchon about 15 min away. It went really well and I think the kids really enjoyed it. The best part was that the kids all wore Halloween costumes for the event. And after seeing them I'm pretty sure South Korean stores only sell 5 different costumes: Kungfu Panda, Witch, purple velveteen suit akin to Phantom of the Opera, a pumpkin outfit with orange sequined crop top and green sequined bottom (worn by more boys than girls), and my personal favorite..2 little boys in zebra striped bell bottoms and silver sequined capes..I'm not sure what they were, but they were fabulous. Hopefully the outreach program will become a hit and I can continue my research into the world of the fabulous and flamboyant Halloween costumes of South Korea.

So there's the update. I am going to try to blog every week from now on. We'll see if I can do it. There's not always a lot to report but don't worry I'll just make stuff up.

A Post-Swine Flu Fall

About a month ago on a normal Tuesday afternoon I was prepping for a gameshow with my friend and co-worker Candy. We had just taken the tarp off of the game boards and were checking the mics when we noticed the park guides, Korean women who work in City Hall, stopping visitors in the streets, telling them something, and then gesturing towards the exit gate. We didn't think much of it until the visitors started moving faster,hurriedly pulling small children by the hand, one man even picked up his two children and started sprinting towards the exit like a featured extra in an M. Night Shalaman movie. Clearly something was wrong. Candy ran over to one of the guides and came back with the official report: Swine Flu had come to English Village.

We learned that 14 teachers from the drama training program we ran in July had become sick after leaving EV, and 6 were confirmed to have swine flu. The park immediately closed to visitors and all employees were put in voluntary but highly recommended "self isolation" for 10 days with twice daily temperature checks from the board of health. Of course no one cared that having a temperature is not necessarily indicative of having the swine, in fact the one EV teacher that did get infected never ran a temp at all, and several teachers that had all the other symptoms were not tested because they were a perfect 98.6. In their infinite wisdom our administration did not require all employees to get tested, just one of the many great decisions made over those 10 days.

Now, nearly a month later EV has reopened, and is waiting for the public to trickle back in. And I mean trickle. It's very surreal to live in an empty theme park. Our first day open I was assigned "Welcome" Duty, basically to hand out balloons and greet guests as they entered the park and got their temperature taken (something now being done to every EV guest..makes sense I know). The morning's total for balloons handed out was 12. Shows started to get cancelled, classes closed, and finally EV offered up to 15 days of unpaid leave to anyone who wanted it, just to give its employees something to do.

I will say that as our new season opens the crowds are beginning to come back in. No thanks to the South Korean government who advised its people to stay away from "camps, parks, and other public places" for the rest of the year. Funny that EV is a government run institution. I'm quite used to doing a show where there are more people on stage than in the audience...and we only have 4 actors per show..but that usually happens in late December or January when the weather is really and truly awful. The lack of misspelled t-shirts, visors, and Mickey Mouse backpacks is palpable and I haven't heard of a butthole poking attack in weeks. On a more serious note due to budget constraints we are only having 1 mainstage show this winter...1 show..with 4 casts. I just hope this isn't the start of a down hill slide into unemployment.

Up and Down the River

When I was home for Brendan's high school graduation I was asked by a former teacher of mine to write an article for the Big Rapids Pioneer on my experience in Korea. Check it out:

I arrived in Seoul, South Korea on July 1, 2008 to the sound of honking taxis, the smell of tempura fried street food, and the sight of a mother holding a plastic water bottle up to her young son so he could pee. I was shocked, but looking back on it now I realize this was only the tip of the iceberg of surprises that the Land of the Morning Calm had in store for me.

I moved to South Korea to be an actor, and before you say, “That’s the craziest thing I’ve ever heard, I’ve got to call my wife,” (which, incidentally is what the police officer at the Reed City State Police office said when I went there to get fingerprinted for my visa) let me explain. I work for Gyeonggi English Village, an English speaking theme park opened by the South Korean government in 2006 as an alternative way to teach the English language to its people. English Village, or EV, runs three different programs: a one day program for daily park guests, a one week program focused on school aged kids and adults, and the edutainers. Both the one day and one week programs teach English through fun, conversational classes: cooking, visiting a mock bank, police station, and health clinic, t-shirt making etc… The edutainers are the park’s entertainment department, and it is here that I act, sing, and dance my way through ESL (English second language) based children’s musicals 10 times a week.

It’s not Broadway, but it is an incredible environment where a performer can stretch their skills to all areas of performance and production. All of our shows are completely original. All the scripts are written in our office, all the music is composed and produced in our studio, all of the choreography is created on our stage, and all of the directors come from our department. Working here has allowed me to act, direct, write, and choreograph for shows that run a full 3 month season in our 600 seat concert hall. Creatively, it’s a dream come true. I don’t know of any other environment where such freedom and responsibility are given to a young professional.

Life as a foreigner or “waygook” in South Korea is kind of like being an animal at the zoo: a rare, exciting, endangered animal. People stop me on the streets to take pictures, and kids swarm me in the park asking for autographs. I was once approached on a subway by an elderly Korean gentlemen who sang me the United States’ National Anthem, gave me a piece of fruit, and then kindly asked me to consider marrying his son. It’s a little surreal, but that’s what makes South Korea so great.

English Village is so westernized that if you never stepped out of the park gates you’d never know you were in South Korea, and so I have made it a point to break away from village life and spend some time in the outside world. Seoul is a city of over 10 million people, one of the largest in the world, and thanks to a fantastic metro and bus system it is incredibly easy and cheap to get around in. Shopping is inexpensive, plentiful, and often times very entertaining. South Korea gained its independence in 1948 and in the 61 years since it has grown from a third world nation to one of the leading technological countries on the planet. With so much growth happening so quickly the country lacks its own identity and has taken bits and pieces from many different western cultures as its own. This hodgepodge of anything and everything western is clearly reflected in the style of the South Korean people. T-shirts with English words are a huge seller. It doesn’t matter what they say, it doesn’t matter if they make sense, and it definitely doesn’t matter if they’re appropriate as long as they’re in English. Kids flock to the EV in brightly colored t-shirts displaying all sorts of four letter words. Equally popular is anything and everything Mickey Mouse, oversized visors, and rhinestone jewelry. And I thought the fashions at the Mecosta County Fair were exciting.

Seoul offers much more than shopping. You can see a movie in English at any of a dozen IMAX screens throughout the city. Just be prepared for Korean subtitles and the smell of dried squid, the South Korean movie snack of choice. On every street there are countless food options from Korean bbq (be prepared to sit on the floor) to street food (be prepared to not know what you’re eating) to western restaurants. McDonalds is there with all the regular items plus a shrimp burger value meal, and all the pizzas at Pizza Hut come with corn on them and a side of sweet pickles.

South Korea is a mountainous country, one afternoon I climbed a peak in the middle of Seoul hoping to get some exercise and find a great view. What I found was a community of elderly South Korean shamans living in tents at the top of the mountain. It was almost as if I had been transported back in time, almost. Women were chanting, drums were beating, incense was burning, and off to the side was a wrinkled Korean man dressed in robes and talking animatedly on his cell phone. I couldn’t help but smile at the site as I huffed and puffed to the top of the peak, and I couldn’t help but wonder how these 80 year olds were living up there, or more importantly how they climbed up in the first place. Maybe they’re staying because they can’t get down.

In my year of adventuring around the country I have done many things I never thought I’d do, and seen sights I never knew existed. Some highlights include: The Boryeong Mud Festival, a week long beach party where the city dredges up spa mud from the ocean bottom and party goers slather themselves in it from head to toe before going down a mud slide, wrestling in a mud ring, and climbing a mud wall. If you’re ever in South Korea in the summer I highly recommend going and afterwards hitting the local jimjilbong, or public spa, to clean up. Just be ready to get naked with 100 of your closest new Korean friends. Don’t worry jimjilbongs are same sex only, and once you get used to letting it all hang out it’s incredibly freeing to do so.

From the eastern side of the country rise the jagged peaks of Seoraksan National Park. The views are breathtaking, the beaches are beautiful, and only a 2 hours bus ride away is Haeshingdang Park, known to the locals as Penis Park. Yes, this small coastal park is dedicated entirely to the male genitalia. Legend has it that the small fishing village where the park is located was having trouble reeling in a catch, until a man revealed himself to the ocean and caused the fish to return. Since that day the locals erected (pun intended) statues, totem poles, and even a giant gold cannon all shaped like the penis. South Korean families visit in droves, all eager to sit on the penis benches and pose with the penis warriors. I feel I can safely say, only in South Korea.

I never thought I’d come to South Korea, the country was little more than a blip in a high school history book for me and seemed to be a world away. But after living here for nearly a year, and recently signing on for 7 more months, I can honestly say that it isn’t so far away after all. The terrain is beautiful, the cities are modern, and the people are incredibly kind. I may be on the other side of the world, but it’s starting to feel more and more like home.

Jessica Doyle is the daughter of FSU professors Terry and Julie Doyle. She grew up in Big Rapids and graduated from BRHS in 2002. She earned her BFA in Musical Theatre Performance from Central Michigan University in 2006 and did her graduate work at the University of Hawai’i at Manoa in Theatre for Youth. Jessica has performed and directed in theatres across the country. She currently resides in Paju, South Koea. Check out her blog “Feeling Seoul-ful” at: http://feelingseoul-ful.blogspot.com/

Butt holes.

Butt holes are huge in Korea. I am not referring to actual sphincter size, I have no idea how the anal sphincters of the South Korean population compare in size to that of the rest of the world nor do I care to know, but I do know that I have never known a people to be so literally up each other's asses. Butt hole poking..pronounced Dddong Chim...is a game held near and dear to the hearts of the South Korean people. The name basically means, "butthole poking with index fingers," ..I'm serious..and that's exactly what it is. The same pose used by American children when playing cops and robbers..or college aged girls posing sexily as Charlie's Angels is used in South Korea for one thing and one thing only, to poke another person in the butt hole. From a young age South Koreans clasp their hands together with the index fingers sticking out, eye the surrounding crowds, and eagerly anticipate the chance to poke the unsuspecting butthole.

I had heard of this butthole phenomenon from many of the male teachers at English Village who had fallen victim to it. Spending day after day around Korean kids it is only a matter of time before one of them decides to pounce. Lucky for me, I was also assured that it was the male teachers who got poked, usually by the also male students (go figure). Infact I successfully managed to avoid anyone's index fingers going anywhere near my butthole, that was until last Tuesday.

Last Tuesday was Children's Day in Korea and English Village went all out. Flowers were planted, banners were hung, and special programs and shows were prepared all to welcome the hordes of children that came through our gates ready for a day of English filled fun. What we didn't realize is that peering out from under each flourescent visor and disguised by each Mickey Mouse t-shirt was a potential butthole poke just waiting to happen.

It started out like any other day: rehearsal, a show, lunch, and little street talk with the guests. I was finishing my puppet show and decided that with my free 10 minutes between activities I'd join my friend Modie who was leading a sing-a-long. It all looked innocent enough. She was entertaining a group of about 10 little girls, holding hands and walking in a circle while singing about each animal that lived on Old MacDonald's Farm. I couldn't help but join in the fun. Grabbing two sweatly little hands I started walking round and round, quaking here and mooing there, really getting into it. That's when it happened. From the corner of my mind I saw a small boy break out from the crowd of passerby's walking down mainstreet. At first I didn't think anything of it, maybe he wanted to come join our circle, maybe he forgot something in the class he just had, maybe his little sister was singing along with us and it was time for her to go. Alas, that was not the case. Before I had time to react he was behind me, hands clasped together, index fingers poised at the ready, and then he poked me: right. in. the. butthole. It all happened so fast, I felt the poke and whirled around breaking the sing-a-long circle and completely forgetting about Old MacDonald's baa-ing sheep. All I saw was a the short dark hair of a Korean boy running back into the crowd, laughing. And then he was gone, swallowed up by the mass of people, like a young antelope protected by the herd.

I'm not sure how but I finished the day. After all this is my job, and I had to be professional. But let my experience serve as a warning to you. If you come to South Korea and decide to take part in an Old MacDonald sing-a-long, be sure you have someone there to watch your butt.hole.

Seoul's Shamanistic Mountain People

I woke up this morning and decided to take charge of my Monday..the first day of my weekend. Not that I normally don't come at Monday with a take charge attitude, it's just usually more focused on sleeping in and eating, more "get-up-and-brunch" then "get-up-and-go." Today, however, was different and not just because my brunch-making boyfriend is out of town (ok maybe a little because of that) but because the sun was shining, it was (relatively) warm outside, and I desperately needed to combat the extra .2 kilograms that showed up on the scale this morning and are most definitely not welcome.

As I ate my morning fruit salad (and tried to ignore the images of syrup drenched blueberry pancakes not just dancing but shimmying seductively in my head) I contemplated what to do with my day. Highlight my hair? See a movie? Art galleries? Shopping? And finally decided to consult my Lonely Planet Korea. Hair highlighting, while fun, entertaining, and totally necessary for spring isn't really in my pre-vacation budget right now...most of the movies are in Korean...since it's Monday most of the galleries are closed..and really how many pair of leggings and 10 dollar t-shirts with misspelled words and pictures of mickey mouse does one woman need? So I decided to take one of the preplanned "walking tours." There were two tours outlined in the book: one that began in shopping heaven and ended in street food paradise, and the other that promised an hour and a half of up hill climbing to Seoul's most famous shamanist shrine without going anywhere near the carts selling my favorite honey and nut stuffed pancakes dripping with grease and conveniently placed in a dixie cup for your hand held ease and enjoyment. Thus I set off for the, "Inwangsan Shamanist Hillside Walk."

A bus and a subway ride later I exited Dongnimmun station, took the first left as the book instructed, and started the long up hill climb to the shrine's gate. I have to say I was excited as I huffed and puffed along, it's not often that I go anywhere by myself and I was looking forward to finding a quiet stretch of rock and just being alone and at peace. At the top of a very steep driveway I finally reached the gate, took a guide book instructed left towards the temple, and tried to avoid the stares of confusion from a disheveled pack of elderly koreans who were loitering in the parking lot. The temple had (in my professional oppinion) seen it's better days. Still I took a look around and was careful to take Lonely Planet's advice and not take any pictures or make any unnecessary noise to disturb the peace. I was fully prepared to silently take it all in when I heard..and I am not exaggerating here...screaming coming from behind the temple. I walked around to see a man screaming at the top of his lungs at an older woman as they were preparing food offerings for the alter. He screamed..she screamed..he threw a bag of rice...it got louder..and louder...and louder. Clearly they had not read Lonely Planet Korea. Getting to the stairs I needed to continue up the mountain involved crossing infront of them and I hesitated just out of sight debating whether seeing the shamanistic mountain people was worth being yelled at and possibly having a bag of rice thrown at me. Finally I made up my mind and decided I would not let a couple of rice throwing Korean yellers stop me from experiencing Seoul's most famous shamanist shrine. As I walked past they stopped yelling, the woman smiled at me and the man shot me a look of pure disdain. All in all, a great start.

I continued onward and upward and came to the next stop on the guidebook tour, some rocks that had been eroded into almost human like forms, and were now considered religiously significant. I'm not sure how the wear and tear on some rocks makes them holy or who decided their new shapes look anything like people, and apparently I was alone in those thoughts as the other 10 or so people around me were kneeling in prayer.

Past the rocks I continued up even more stairs preparing for the final push to the shamanist shrine which my guidebook described as having an "X-files like feeling," referring to air thick with drum beats and the echoes of words chanted over and over for hundreds of years. The trees were a little thicker over head here and I'll admit I started to get a little anxious as I climbed ever higher, my ears straining to catch the first vibrations of ancient rhythms. Finally I heard something. Excited I started climbing faster and faster, eager to let the everyday world of subways and street vendors (and those extra .2 kilos) fall away from me. The music started getting louder, and louder, and louder, until I turned a corner and saw......a radio playing from the Snack Shack half way up the mountain. Yes, not only can you take a hike to Seoul's most famous shamanist shrine to get away from it all, but you can take a bottle of water and a Snickers bar with you while you do it.

Not to be discouraged I by passed the Snack Shack and finished the climb up to where the mountain leveled off. And here I found them, the shamanist mountain people. A whole community of elderly Koreans living in tents on the top of this mountain surrounded by city streets. I have no idea why they were living up there, or more importantly how they got up there in the first place. I had only been climbing for half an hour (and consider myself to be in pretty good shape) and my thighs were BURNING. The only reason I could come up with was that they had to stay because they couldn't get back down.

Here were the drum beats: elderly Korean woman kneeling in front of drums on rock faces high above where any of the trails reached. Here was the chanting: groups of people kneeling before rock walls and burning incense and bowls of rice offering their prayers up to the heavens. Here was a man dressed in robes and open toed leather sandals talking on his cell phone. I guess I was still in Seoul after all.

As I started back down the mountain I couldn't help but wonder what it was that brought all of those people up there. It must take a pretty strong belief in something to get those 70+ year old bones up those 70 million + steps (ok maybe a slight exaggeration here). And I can almost guarantee they weren't doing it for the weight loss benefits. The cynical side of me says what a waste of time, they should be in the highlight of their twighlight, finally getting to use the reserved seating on the subway and pushing unsuspecting foriegners out of the way on the sidewalk without a backward glance, not kneeling on the hard ground waving smoke at some rocks. And the other side of me, that side wants to believe that they are trying to connect with something greater, something so important that it drew them up this mountain, on a chilly day in March, to kneel on that ground and breathe in that incense and say those words. I really hope whoever they're talking to is listening.

Coral & Tiller

To begin I'd just like to apologize for my lack of blog in the last......2 months. If you think I haven't been writing because my life has been void of adventures and blog-worthy anecdotes then you would be wrong. I just haven't had the time to sit down and document them. I have had the time to google and then analyze 27 different shades of brown in order to select my upcoming hair color...order 5 pairs of lace edged cheeky boy short under wear from Victoria's Secret online (and on clearance thank you very much)..and help my dear friend Modie select the perfect breed of dog to suit her space and her life style, if she ever decides to actually get a dog. But time to blog I have not found, and since I'm currently writing this during my work day and from an office computer I will simply cut to the chase.

I wrote a script. It's called "Coral & Tiller" and is an under the sea adventure starring a young mermaid, named Coral, and her swordfish friend Tiller. (Catchy title eh?) And since it is such a masterpiece of children's ESL (English Second Language) musical theatre I thought you might want to read it. So here goes:

*Keep in mind that this was written as children's ESL musical theatre not as "normal people" theatre. We have to include audience participation and the teaching of at least 3 ESL words.*

The lights come up to reveal a cave made out of what appears to be brightly colored coral and covered with plants, like a coral reef. The stage is dimly lit with a blue cast to it and gobo's giving the illusion that we are under water. Strewn about outside the cave are gadgets and gizmos that have drifted to the ocean bottom from passing ships and have been collected by Grogger, the crab. We hear clanks, wizzes, pops and other "inventing" noises coming from inside the cave.

Grogger: (exits the cave and addresses the audience): This is it! My greatest creation, the super sea snake, is almost complete!


Grogger scuttles about outside the cave and looks around excitedly for the missing piece to his invention. Like a crab he moves sideways using short, quick steps and has large pinchers for hands. Suddenly he spots the missing piece, crosses to it, picks it up, and laughing crazily scuttles back inside the cave.

Grogger: And now I’ll add the final piece to bring my creation to life! (Grogger pauses to admire his work) It's finished! It's beautiful! It's perfect!
Grogger's excitement is cut short by a ferocious growl and the sound of a heavy metal object crashing about. Bursts of bright lights explode out of the cave.

Grogger: Oh no! Something’s wrong! It’s a sea monster!! Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!
Grogger runs out of the cave with the sea monster right on his heels. The sea monster is in the shape of a Chinese dragon but appears to be made of metal parts that Grogger has collected and put together. The sea monster will be a full body puppet made to be larger than life and operated by Actor 3. The puppet which I can build would be based on the actor’s shoulders with rods extending upwards and supporting its head. The body and tail of the sea monster would be like that of a Chinese dragon, a simple cloth body that extends from the head and down the actor’s back. The sea monster’s arms extend from its body and can be put on like sleeves .The sea monster corners Grogger who tries to defend himself by pinching at it with his claws. This doesn't work, of course, as the sea monster is made of metal.

Grogger: (realizing that the sea monster is going to attack him) Ahhhhhh!!!!! Please! Don't hurt me!! Help!! Help! Oh noooooo! Just as the sea monster is about to attack Grogger he screams at the top of his lungs Ahhhhhh!!!! Scared of the loud noise the sea monster backs off. When Grogger is silent again the sea monster approaches. Grogger yells Ahhhh!!!! and the sea monster backs off. This goes on a few more times until Grogger gets the idea to yell as loud as he can and clap his hands making as much noise as possible and when the sea monster backs off Grogger seizes the opportunity to escape, breaks free and scuttles down the center stage stairs hiding just below the apron. Confused, the sea monster searches the cave and the rest of the stage for Grogger.

Grogger: For the first time Grogger notices the audience. Will you help me? (audience responds Yes) Can you see the sea monster? (audience responds yes) Where is it? (audience points to stage) The sea monster has now moved towards the front of the stage and is sniffing around, pawing the ground, and clearly looking to attack Grogger. If I don’t do something soon the sea monster will hurt me! Maybe if we all yell and clap our hands really loudly the sea monster will be frightened and leave me alone! Everyone yell! (Grogger demonstates “Ahhhhhhh!!!” and encourages the audience to do the same) Oh yes! That's very good! Now clap your hands! (Grogger demonstates by clapping his pinchers together) The sea monster is now at the front of the stage and is starting to come towards Grogger. Here comes the sea monster! Yell and clap as loud as you can! The sea monster has crossed down the stairs stage right and is searching the area in front of the stage for Grogger when he hears the audience yelling and clapping. Terrified and confused the sea monster takes off running right past Grogger, down the center stairs and out the house left door.

Grogger: It worked! I'm saved! The sea monster ran right past me and... (Grogger pauses realizing where the sea monster is headed) Oh no! The sea monster is headed for Reefland!
Black out. When the lights come up we are now in Reefland, a city of sea creatures made to look like a coral reef. There is a sign saying, "Welcome to Reefland.” The whole city has a very cartoon-ish feel to it, like the royal kingdom in the Shrek movies. Coral the mermaid and her best friend Tiller the swordfish are stage right practicing Tiller’s sword fighting moves. Tiller uses his snout as his sword and fights by swinging his head back and forth. Coral fights using a long sword shaped piece of coral. Coral is easily the superior fighter and keeps pinning Tiller to the ground.

Coral: (fencing with Tiller) 1, 2, 3 (Coral easily pins Tiller to the ground) I win again!

Tiller: (very unenthusiastically) Wow Coral. Good for you. You pinned me again.

Coral: Tiller! You’re not even trying! If you want to be a warrior you have to learn to sword fight. Now get up and try again.
Coral helps Tiller up and they take the fencing stance.

Coral: (again advancing towards Tiller and swinging her sword) 1, 2, 3 Tiller stops and walks away before she can pin him again. Exasperated. Tiller!

Tiller: (mimicking her tone) Coral! I hate sword fighting.

Coral: But you’re a sword fish!

Tiller: So.

Coral: So…swordfish are warriors. If you don’t practice sword fighting you’ll never be a warrior.

Tiller: I don’t want to be a warrior.

Coral: (stops dead in her tracks, her jaw drops) You don’t want to be a warrior?

Tiller: Nope.

Coral: But being a warrior is the greatest job there is! A warrior carries a sword and a shield.
Coral holds up the pieces of coral that she has been using as a sword and shield.

Coral: A warrior goes on adventures! A warrior fights sea monsters!

SONG – about how great it is to be a warrior. During the song Coral attacks Tiller with the “sword” as if he were a sea monster, swinging the sword through the air in a choreographed fight sequence, she ends it by pinning Tiller to the ground again.

Tiller: (on the ground and at the end of Coral’s sword) Coral, I don’t want to be a warrior. I don’t want to carry a sword and shield! I don’t want to go on adventures! I don’t want to fight sea monsters! Besides, have you ever heard of a sea monster trying to attack Reefland?

Coral: (defeated) No.

Tiller: Exactly.
During this exchange Sir Ballast, an octopus who is the King’s herald, has entered and crossed center stage. He holds a long scroll and when he gets to center stage he unrolls it and reads. It should be timed so as soon as Tiller says, “Exactly,” Sir Ballast says his line.

Sir Ballast: (addressing the audience as if they are the townspeople) A sea monster wants to attack Reefland.

Coral: (excitedly) What?

Tiller: (in disbelief) What?

Sir Ballast: (very snooty and upset at having to repeat himself) I said (dramatic pause) a sea monster wants to attack Reefland.

Coral: (crossing to Sir Ballast making sure she heard him correctly) A sea monster?

Tiller: (following Coral, completely terrified) A sea monster?
Sir Ballast: (Beginning to lose control) Yes a sea monster! He flips the scroll around to reveal a large picture of the sea monster heading towards Reefland ready to attack. (His anger is building) A sea monster! (As if steam is going to come out of his ears) A sea monster!!!! On the final “sea monster” he very deliberately points at the picture of the sea monster. The same picture appears on the power point.

Coral: (thrilled) Wow!

Tiller: (terrified) Wow….

Sir Ballast: (in complete annoyance with Coral and Tiller) Wow.

Coral: Excuse me, Sir Ballast, but did you see the sea monster?

Sir Ballast: What?

Tiller: Did you see the sea monster with your eyes?

Sir Ballast: Well, no but…

Tiller: (cutting him off) Then maybe it’s not real!

Sir Ballast: (puffing his chest up) Are you calling me a liar?

Tiller: (stammering) Well..no..but…
Sir Ballast and Tiller get into an argument. More physical than verbal it really involves Sir Ballast pushing Tiller around upstage stage while they talk. This all moves very quickly.
During the argument Coral has crossed downstage, lost in her own thoughts about the sea monster she completely ignores Sir Ballast and Tiller fighting.

Coral: A sea monster! How exciting! My whole life I’ve wanted to fight a sea monster! It has to be real! Sir Ballast didn’t see the sea monster but someone must have. (speaking to the audience) Did you see the sea monster? (audience responds Yes, Coral is overjoyed) You did? That’s great! A sea monster, wow, a real sea monster!
By this time Sir Ballast and Tiller have made their way downstage. Sir Ballast is sitting on Tiller pinning him to the ground.

Tiller: Owww, you’re crushing me!

Coral: (seeing what is going on) Stop!! (pulling Sir Ballast off of Tiller) There really is a sea monster! They saw it! It’s real!

Sir Ballast: (standing and regaining composure) Well of course it’s real.

Tiller: Who will fight the sea monster?

Sir Ballast: Well, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted. (He unrolls the scroll and begins to read again) Citizens of Reefland! A sea monster wants to attack our reef. All of our bravest warriors are gone, searching for buried treasure. There is no one left here to fight the sea monster. We are doomed.

Tiller: Doomed?!?!?

Sir Ballast: Yes, doomed. Done, over, finished, ended, kaput, zonked…

Tiller: (cutting him off) Doomed!!!

Tiller runs behind Coral and hides.

Coral: Tiller!

Tiller: I’m scared!!

Coral: Tiller!

Tiller: I want to live!! I need to live!!

Tiller runs down the center stairs and hides beneath the apron.

Coral: (becoming annoyed) Tiller!

Tiller: (desperate) What are we going to do?

Coral: I’m going to fight the sea monster.

Sir Ballast: You?!?!?

Coral leaves Tiller still hiding beneath the apron and crosses upstage towards Sir Ballast.

Coral: Yes.

Sir Ballast: Hahahahha that is the craziest idea I have ever heard. Hahahahaha.

Coral: Why?

Sir Ballast: To fight a sea monster you need a sword and a shield to keep you safe. Do you have a sword and a shield?

Coral: No, but…

Sir Ballast: (cutting her off) And you need a map, you cannot find the sea monster without a map.

Tiller: A map?

Sir Ballast Yes, a map. A map tells you where you now are and where you are going, with a map you can never get lost. Do you have a map?

Coral: No.

Sir Ballast: Then you cannot fight the sea monster. I must go now. I have to tell the king that there is no one to fight the sea monster. We really are doomed.

Sir Ballast exits. Tiller crosses to the stage right side of the reef and takes out a bag from behind one of the coral coves. He starts pulling out things from the cove and packing them in the bag: a teddy bear, a giant jar of fish food, a magazine called Underwater World etc..

Coral: (seeing Tiller) What are you doing?

Tiller: (not looking up) Packing.

Coral: (crossing to him) What?

Tiller: I’m packing Coral. You heard Sir Ballast, there is no one to fight the sea monster, Reefland is doomed. We will have to move.

Coral: Reefland is our home and I am going to save it. I am going to fight the sea monster.

Tiller: But Coral, you don’t have a sword, a shield, or a map.

Coral: It doesn’t matter.

Tiller: Yes it does.

Coral: (getting very heated) No, it doesn’t!

Tiller: (yelling) Coral! You’re not a warrior!

Coral: (pausing to catch her breath) What did you say?

Tiller: You’re not a warrior. You’re a mermaid. You can’t fight the sea monster.

Coral: Yes I can! You’re just jealous because I’m braver than you are! I am going to fight the sea monster and when I save Reefland I’ll be a warrior and you, you’ll still be a scared little swordfish.

Coral walks by Tiller and picks up the piece of coral she had been sword fighting with earlier. Then she glares at Tiller and walks off stage.

Blackout. During the blackout Coral crosses to the audience right door and comes out into the audience searching for the sea monster. On stage the set is changed from Reefland back to Grogger’s cave which has now been almost completely destroyed by the sea monster. Parts of Grogger’s inventions are strewn about haphazardly outside the cave and everything is in disarray.

Coral crosses slowly towards Grogger’s cave, we can tell that she’s nervous but trying her best to hide it. Grogger is hiding inside.

Coral: (calling out) Hello? Is anyone there? Hello?
Coral reaches the entrance to the cave and carefully peeks inside.

Coral: (cupping her hands to her mouth and yelling) Hellooooooooo?
Startled Grogger springs from the cave screaming and clapping his pinchers together. He comes out with such force that he knocks Coral to the ground.

Grogger: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

Coral: (on the ground) Stop, please! It’s alright!!

Grogger is hurling himself towards Coral, pinchers at the ready. Just as he is about to attack her he realizes she is not the sea monster and is in fact just a mermaid.

Grogger: (advancing towards Coral, snapping his pinchers) Who are you?

Coral: My name is Coral, I’m…

Grogger: (cutting her off) What are you doing here? It isn’t safe here, there’s a (huge stage whisper) sea monster on the loose.

Coral: I know. I am here to fight the sea monster.

Grogger: No!! You can’t!!

Coral: Yes I can.

Grogger: No! You don’t understand. This isn’t any ordinary sea monster.

Tiller: (coming forward) Then what kind of sea monster is it?

Grogger: (ashamed and trying to get the words out) It’s…it’s…(he dissolves into sobs)

Coral: (clearly uncomfortable with Grogger’s tears, patting him very softly on the back) What’s wrong?

Grogger: I (he sniffs)… I created the sea monster.

Coral: What?!?! You created the sea monster? How?

Grogger: It was an accident! It was supposed to be my greatest creation ever.

*Song about how Grogger created the Sea monster*

Grogger: Well, I finished building it and (he pauses to catch his breath) at first nothing happened and then all of a sudden it came to life and…and…tried to attack me!

Coral: Attack you?

Grogger: Yes! It chased after me growling and snapping its teeth. I started yelling and clapping my pinchers and the sea monster got scared. Then I had my friends help me, and the sea monster ran away and headed right towards Reefland. Grogger demonstrates by roaring loudly and using his arms as the sea monster’s teeth to snap at Coral. Now it wants to attack Reefland and it’s all my fault! He launches into a fresh round of sobs.

Coral: Will the sea monster come back here?

Grogger: Yes, it wants to attack me. We will have to make noise so it will run away again.

Coral: I don’t want the sea monster to run away.

Grogger: You don’t?

Coral: No. I want to fight the sea monster and stop it right here.

Grogger: How are you going to fight the sea monster?

Coral: I need a sword to fight with and a shield to protect myself. Do you have anything like that?

Grogger: Hmmm (Grogger scuttles around looking through the old parts and bits of trash outside of his cave) I don’t think so Coral.

Coral: (crossing down and talking to the audience) There has to be something here I can use. (she wanders around the stage picking up various objects: a wheel, a watering can, really any mismatched part and holds them up to the audience asking) Is this a sword? (audience responds No, finally she comes across an old sword hidden behind some sea weed) What about this? (she holds it up, audience responds Yes) Great! I can use this as a sword to fight! Now I just need a shield.

Grogger and Coral continue searching for a shield. As they are looking the sea monster enters from the house left doors and crosses towards the stage. Grogger hears the sea monster coming and looks up just as it is reaching the center stage stairs.

Grogger: Look out Coral! The sea monster is coming!!

Coral looks up as the sea monster climbs the stairs and comes crashing towards her. The sea monster has a long tail that he swings about knocking things over and huge teeth that he snaps at Coral and Grogger. The sea monster focuses on Grogger backing him into a corner and roaring at him.

Grogger: Coral! Helppppp!!!!!!

Coral: Don’t worry Grogger, I will save you!

Coral takes the sword she found and swings it around over her head.

Coral: Hey!! Over here!!!

The sea monster turns and sees Coral.

Coral: I’m not afraid of you!!

The sea monster turns away from Grogger and comes crashing after Coral. Coral swings her sword at the sea monster but it bounces off the monster’s metal skin without doing any harm. Coral and the sea monster cross back and forth across the stage in a fight sequence as Coral tries again and again to stab the sea monster but isn’t able to.

Coral: Something’s wrong! My sword’s not working!

Grogger: Of course! I made the sea monster out of metal!

Coral: (still fighting the sea monster) What?

Grogger: You can’t stab it, it’s made of metal!

Just as Grogger issues this final warning Coral swings the sword over her head and makes a huge charge at the sea monster. She stabs at the sea monster with all her might and the blade of her sword bends.

Coral: My sword! It’s broken!!

Grogger: Run Coral, hide!!!

Grogger and Coral run quickly inside the cave and hide just within the opening. The sea monster tries to get in but is too big and cannot fit through the opening. As the sea monster tries to get in a rock gets pushed in front of the cave’s opening trapping Coral and Grogger inside.

Coral: We’re trapped!

Grogger and Coral: (screaming) Help!!! Help!!!!! Heeeellllppppp!!!!!!!!!

Blackout. When the lights come up we are back in Reefland. Tiller is seated on the center stage stairs visibly upset.

Tiller: “Scared little swordfish,” Coral’s right. I am scared. I’m scared of the dark. And of water
spiders. And of sharks. I’m scared of everything!

Song: “Scared of Everything” song about all of Tiller’s fears which are geared towards the same things young kids are scared of in the real world: the dark, spiders, being alone etc….

At the end of the song Sir Ballast enters and sees Tiller sitting alone on the center stage stairs crying .

Sir Ballast: (crossing to Tiller very upset) You! What are you doing out here alone? The sea monster could attack any minute…

He stops short when he sees that Tiller has been crying.

Sir Ballast: (clearly uncomfortable with emotion) Ahem. (he pauses to collect himself) Are you alright?

Tiller shrugs his shoulders.

Sir Ballast: (trying to muster up some compassion but clearly struggling) Where is your mermaid friend?

Tiller: She went to fight the sea monster.

Sir Ballast: She did what?!?!?

Tiller: She went to fight the sea monster (gulp) alone.

Sir Ballast: But how is she going to fight the sea monster? She doesn’t have a sword, a shield, or a map!

Tiller: I don’t know.

Sir Ballast: (pacing back and forth debating the correct move) Going after the sea monster alone! How could she? She’ll be attacked!

Tiller: (horrified) Attacked?!? Oh no! Coral! I have to go help her! I need a shield!

Sir Ballast: Absolutely not! I will not allow it! I…

Tiller: (cutting him off, yelling very loudly) I HAVE TO HELP HER!!!!

Sir Ballast is stunned into silence by Tiller’s outburst.

Tiller: Sir Ballast, please, I need a shield.

Sir Ballast: What about a sword?

Tiller: I already have one! (Tiller points to his snout)

Sir Ballast: (very torn) Oh….oh alright. But it’s not my fault if the sea monster attacks you both.

Tiller hugs the extremely uncomfortable Sir Ballast very tightly.

Tiller: Thank you!

Sir Ballast: Hold on a second. Sir Ballast goes off stage and returns with a shield. Here is a shield, it will protect you and a map so you will never get lost.

He hands the shield and the map to Tiller.

Tiller: Thank you, Sir Ballast.

Sir Ballast: Yes, well.. (regaining his pompous attitude) Hurry up! We don’t have all day! Go!

Blackout. The scene changes for a final time back to Grogger’s cave. Coral and Grogger are still trapped inside the cave. Tiller enters from audience left and starts pacing back and forth in front of the audience. He has his shield on his back.

Tiller: Oh no. I think I’m lost. I’ll never be able to find Coral if I don’t know where I’m going. I need your help. I have my sword to fight the sea monster with and I have my shield to protect myself, but what do I need to see where I’m going? (audience responds Map) Oh yea! Sir Ballast’s map! Tiller pulls out the map, unrolls it, and studies it. Now I see where I’m going! I’m coming Coral!

Tiller runs up the stage left stairs calling for Coral.

Tiller: (yelling) Coral! Coral!!

Coral: (from inside the cave) Tiller? Is that you?

Tiller: (still calling to her) Coral?

Coral: Tiller! We’re in here! Help!!!!

Tiller rushes over to the cave entrance dropping his shield and the map.

Tiller: Coral! Are you alright?

Coral: I’m ok. The sea monster attacked us and now we’re trapped.

Tiller: Hold on Coral. I’ll get you out.

Coral: Hurry Tiller! The sea monster could come back any minute!

Tiller grabs hold of the rock that is blocking the doorway and braces himself to pull it away from the door.

Tiller: Ok, I’m ready. Now on the count of three push against the rock as hard as you can. Ready? 1, 2, 3!!

Tiller pulls on the rock with all his might while Grogger and Coral push from inside. The rock moves and the entrance to the cave is opened. Grogger safely makes it out of the cave but before Coral can get completely out the rock shifts again and Coral’s tail gets stuck. We hear a roar and the sound of metal crashing offstage.

Coral: I’m stuck!!

Grogger: Oh no! It’s back!! The sea monster!!!!

Tiller grabs his shield and slashes his snout through the air like a sword.

Tiller: I’m ready to fight!

Coral: Tiller the sea monster is made of metal, you can’t fight it with a sword.

Tiller: Then what do I do?

Grogger: The sea monster is scared of loud noises.

Coral: But if we make a loud noise the sea monster will run away!

Tiller: I have an idea!

Grogger: What is it?

Tiller: What if we used our friends to trap the sea monster?

Grogger: What do you mean?

Tiller crosses down to the audience and begins to pull people out of their seats instructing them to make a wall.

Tiller: Ok everyone I need your help to trap the sea monster. Stand up, you too stand up. Grogger come help me.

Grogger crosses down to the audience to help Tiller. The two choose a number of audience members to come up on stage and form a semi circle enclosing the right side of the stage. *Note: Ideally 5 or 6 people would be brought on stage but this could work just fine with even one person.*

Tiller: Ok get everyone in a line. Listen everyone, when the sea monster comes we will surround him and make as much noise as we can.

Coral: Then what?

Grogger: ( taking responsibility for creating the sea monster) Leave that to me.

We hear roaring and metal crashing as the sea monster gets closer and closer to the stage.

Tiller: Ok everyone! The sea monster is coming! On three we are going to make as much noise as we can..1…2…3!!!!

The sea monster crashes on stage and immediately Tiller and Grogger start clapping, yelling, and stomping their feet, making as much noise as possible. They instruct the on stage audience members to do the same. The sea monster is weakened by the noise but is still roaring and crashing about as if fighting it off.

Tiller: We need more noise! He addresses the audience as a whole. Everyone, make as much noise as you can! The audience yells, claps, and stomps their feet making as much noise as possible. That’s it! It’s working!
The sea monster is weakened more and more, starts to cower, and fall to the ground. Tiller instructs the on stage audience members to close in around the sea monster. As they do the sea monster stops moving altogether. Grogger comes in carrying an anchor and knocks the sea monster on the head.

Grogger: Everyone back up! Back up! Grogger uses his pincher to remove the “battery” of the sea monster, the final piece he put in at the beginning that brought the sea monster to life. He takes it out and holds it up. There, the sea monster can’t hurt us anymore.

Coral: (still stuck in the cave) We’re saved!!

*Song about the joy of living again in the peaceful sea* During the song Tiller and Grogger sing and dance the audience back to their seats and then continue to dance in the audience for the rest of the number. At the end of the song they exit through the house right doors arm and arm and discussing their great feat. Coral is left stuck on stage with the dead sea monster.

Coral: Hey guys! Guys? Hello?? The lights begin to slowly fade to black. I’m still stuck! I’m still here…with the sea monster…the dead sea monster...it’s pretty gross. Tiller? Grogger? The lights are nearly black. Um, I’m scared of the dark! Blackout. Hey! Turn the lights back on!
The lights come up and the cast comes out to bow.

THE END